What started as a conversation on Twitter ended with me being sent an advanced sex toy. Isn’t the internet an amazing thing?

Before this, the closest I’d ever been to any type of self-pleasure device was an unusually crusty makeshift Fleshlight, composed of previously frozen hot dog buns preserved in maple syrup in two Ziploc bags rubberbanded together, laying outside of Kevin’s house. Why was it outside, Kevin? Why did you brandish it like a sword?

The Autoblow A.I. is for those with a penis, and like Curtis, I would prefer more devices of this nature to be all-inclusive, but I do understand the angle the company was going for with this. Unlike those primitive Fleshlights and tube socks of yesteryear, the Autoblow A.I. uses technology™ to simulate fellatio and, somewhat surprisingly, it does a pretty great job at it.